It's been a lonnnggg year.
My husband, Ryan, undoubtedly in an attempt to redirect my need to yammer in his ear when he gets home from work each day to a different outlet, has been suggesting I start this blog for a while. I've been resisting because, frankly, I'm a bit wishy-washy in the follow-through department when it comes to writing/journaling/blogging/yadda yadda...but, last night I finally decided, why not? So we'll give this thing a whirl. And first I think it's important to share with you briefly (or, more likely, rather long-windedly) the events of the past year which have led to the birth of this blog...
After a year of trying, filled with plenty of stressing and praying, at the end of January 2011 we (finally) got a positive pregnancy test (well, actually two, since the hubs didn't think that a very faint blue line was definitive enough, so I had to make a Target run to buy the "seriously-this-thing-is-HOW-MUCH-I'm-just-going-to-pee-on-it-for-goodness'-sake" digital test). Unfortunately, after four weeks, three sonograms and more blood hormone tests than I care to remember, it was determined that the baby had been lost pretty much right after conception. Insert anguish, tears, and lots of questioning God. We opted to have the D&C to put the experience behind us as quickly as possible.
Not a month after our loss, we were sitting in Sunday church service when the announcement was made that the work & witness trip to Jordan/Israel that summer still had a couple of open spots left. I had never before felt such an overwhelming sense of God nudging and saying "THIS is what I want you to do." Ryan and I talked about it, and decided to try to be part of the trip, though to pay for just one of us to go would take more money than we made in a month. Within a month of making that decision, both of us were paid in full.
In June, we boarded the plane for that miserably long flight that would take us to Zarqa, Jordan for a week of helping to fix up/build onto a school, then a week of sightseeing in Israel. Now, let me say that, had the decision been left to me, I would have of course chosen for my baby to live. God is infinitely wiser than me, however, and those two weeks, especially our time in Jordan, were absolutely the best and most life-changing of my life. And while we were in Israel, we discovered...we were pregnant!
Upon returning home, we were all nerves as we went in for that first sonogram. When the screen revealed a gestational sac and a yolk sac, but no visible baby, nerves turned to downright terror. Six days later we returned for a second sonogram. There, on the monitor, was the most beautiful sight -- an itty bitty, Gummi Bear-looking baby with a tiny, fluttering heartbeat! I couldn't stop looking at that giant, perfectly wonderful alien head!
Things went really well throughout the first trimester. I was lucky to not have any real morning sickness to speak of. The one aversion I had was to coffee. I don't think you completely understand -- I COULD NOT DRINK COFFEE!!! Being a human who subsisted on copious amounts of the liquid gold, most often in the form of venti iced caramel macchiatos, this was awful! Obviously I know this was completely trivial, but I was still quite thankful when the arrival of my second trimester brought back my ability to frequent Starbucks once again (decaf, I promise!).
At 21 weeks, we went in for our "official" sonogram, where we would learn the gender of our baby. I had been waiting for this day for weeks! As the sono technician squished all that cold goo over my belly with her magical-baby-sensing-doodad (very technical, try to keep up), I again saw my little miracle, now looking much less "fruity alien-esque." After taking all the measurements, the tech informed us, "It's a girl," and she was perfect! Then we heard, "Wait...what's that?"
Upon closer examination of whatever "that" she was referring to, the sonogram tech simply said "Don't move!" and hurried out of the room. Joy turned into panic -- what was going on? A couple minutes later, she returned with our doctor. He dropped the bomb: "You have what is called an 'incompetent cervix.' Your cervix is too weak to withstand the weight of your growing baby, causing it to prematurely dialate and thin out, and the amniotic sac is beginning to bulge into the cervix." Before I knew it, I was being whisked to the hospital side of the building, where I spent the night slightly inclined head-down, and more than slightly afraid. The next morning, a cerclage was performed to....well...."put things back." They gently moved the amniotic sac back up where it belonged & closed my cervix back up with a couple of stitches. Any number of things could have gone horribly wrong during that time, but, by only the grace of God, everything went perfectly (I should also take the time to mention that an incompetent cervix is usually not discovered until after a baby has already been lost; had we not had that appointment when we did, things may have turned out much differently).
After the cerclage was placed, I spent a couple of days in the hospital, then was sent home on strict bedrest, only allowed up to use the restroom. Because emergency cerclages have many risks, and there is no "typical"
case, our doctor couldn't provide much hope as to how long she could
stay in. Definitely a boring & frustrating time, but each day that went by without our daughter making an untimely appearance was a miracle. Our first goal was just to make it to 24 weeks, so she would at least have a fighting chance of survival. That day came and went without incident. Then we hit 28 weeks. Then 32. Each time we went for our next appointment our doctor became more excited, and so did we! Weeks before, we could not even conceive that we would make it relatively close to full term, yet now here I am, reclined on my couch, 36 weeks & 2 days pregnant, and the stitches come out in 6 days -- God is good!
So that's our story. From here I look forward to sharing my experiences as I learn to be a mother, maybe sprinkling in some giveaways & other bits of fun as I'm able. I also look forward to reading your stories & insights, so please don't be shy! <3
